Feels kinda weird writing this, to you. I hope one day you will read this and laugh I hope one day these aren’t just dreams.
This is going to be very cliche, slightly wet and very cringey, I hope you don’t mind because remember we are still the same person lmao.What’s it like feeling free? Are you free yet?
Did you do everything you set out to do? Did you learn to cry when people are watching? Or are you still struggling with that?
Did you manage to learn to love those parts of yourself ? Your stretch marks? ’cause sometimes I fucking hate them. Yes, I know I shouldn’t.
Do you still feel bad about those things you did? I believe regrets eat away at your subconscious, do you still agree?
I know you will always have your bad days, your manic days, your days where life feels too big to comprehend, days where your mind goes away with the fairies, have you learnt to accept them? Learnt from them? Have you managed to come to terms with your mental health condition? Do you know that you are not alone? Do you know that you are loved? Do you realise now that you deserve all those people in your life that love you unconditionally, and have you learnt to love yourself in the way in which they love you?
I’m growing and time flies so fast, sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to catch it and really live, everyone talks about being present I have yet to work out what that means and whether I like it but I hope you have at least become less confused about the future and less scared of your past.
Don’t worry about what that girl thinks of your hair when you walk to Sainsbury’s with it flying all over the place, that’s cool, she wasn’t looking anyway, remember that. Don’t worry what that weird man thinks about your under arm hair or your little belly when you’re wearing a crop top. Don’t worry about your ex, he was a right prick, remember that. Remember you are a good person, not the best, you could do more politically, you could give more, sure, you could walk more, and spend more time in and amongst nature, you could practice you instruments more, could eat better and maybe do more exercise to help with your mental state, go vegan and all that wonderful stuff, but remember, please don’t hate yourself if you don’t, please don’t beat yourself up too much if you can’t, because its all good. As long as you’re content with where your head and your heart is, that’s all that matters.
Remember you are a strong, sexy, striking and beautiful woman. You are making music that comes from a place you may never be able to explain, but I hope people are loving it, you are making art, and you are doing all those things you said you would, I hope success finds you in an easy and calming way and that you are happy with what you have, remember that greed is never necessary but pain is, and so is love.
Get drunk on a Friday night, you deserve it, if all fails don’t get a regular job if you don’t want to, you’ll be alright. Smile at the man opposite you on the tube. Pleasure yourself when it gets late, wearing nothing, feel sexy about it. Read more and stop thinking about them or her or him or it. Make sure you come first, in both ways. And watch the movie Paddington again because it’s actually sick.
I love you, all of you, your confidence and your vulnerability, your strengths and your weaknesses, I am you but I am proud of that, and please if you ever read this again, remember that dreams are only dreams if you call them so, and you come home to yourself at the end of the every day, we live and we die alone, so remember, I love you, a lot more than I let on.