The orgasm gap is the official name for the disproportionate number of orgasms men experience over women. Unsurprisingly heterosexual women are the worst off when it comes to receiving orgasms, and in a welcome turn of events lesbian and bisexual women have the advantage in the world of sexual wellness.
In order to close the orgasm gap, we have to address the root causes and be completely honest with ourselves about how we may have unwittingly contributed to it. The really good news is that ending the orgasm gap starts with you taking steps to become more sexually fulfilled and satisfied.
Don’t fake it
This is the cardinal sin of sex, we’ve all done it or at least considered doing it. Faking an orgasm is often a quick solution to ending a sexual experience that isn’t enjoyable and isn’t really going anywhere. Here’s the thing, sex is an ongoing feedback loop, if you pretend that you’re having a good time, your partner will make a mental note to do whatever they were doing again. Maybe it won’t be with you because you gave them the boot, but they will do it again with someone else and you’re essentially giving the gift of bad sex to someone else. End the cycle babe.
Tell your partner what you want and how you want it
Sex is intimate and personal so it can feel hella awkward to share your desires with someone. Maybe you’re not into dirty talk, don’t worry there are other ways to ask for what you want. Try whispering it in their ear or writing it down on a piece of paper for them to read in their own time. If it feels more natural, you can tell them in the moment, gently guiding them in the direction you’d like them to go in.
Don’t be afraid of lube and sex toys
There’s a common misconception that lube is reserved for gay guys and those who experience vaginal dryness. This is nonsense. The right natural lubricant can make you feel more comfortable and enhance both your experiences. You will also likely need a good lubricant for your toys. The idea of introducing sex toys to the bedroom can feel a little strange if you’ve not used them, though these too can offer a different depth to your pleasure. Before choosing a sex toy, think about what you’d like to compliment, is it stimulation, sensation or endurance? Use this motivation to focus your search.
Break your sexual habits
Once you get into the rhythm of getting satisfaction from certain styles and positions, it can be easy to slip into a routine where your repeat the same patterns because you know what to expect and you know it’s going to feel good. The trouble is, repetition will eventually suck the joy out of your favourite positions and variety really is the spice of life. Every now and again it’s good to mix things up, there are 245 positions in the Kama Sutra, find one that you think you’ll enjoy and see where it takes you. The worst that can happen is you end up back in one of your trusty positions living your best life. Or something amazing thing could happen, you find another position that makes you feel alive.
Make time for self-love
Whether you’re in a relationship, casually dating or happily single, we can all benefit from a lil’ self-love. Masturbating is the key to learning what you like and it keeps you in tune with your body. Learning to climax by yourself is the first step in your sexual wellness journey, it’s important to know that your pleasure is not dependent on another person.
Speak to your friends about women’s pleasure
We all talk about sex, but how often do we really get down to the nitty gritty part where we exchange our experience of pleasure. The more honestly we discuss female pleasure the more our understanding of it will grow from a place of authenticity. So many of our cues come from pornography or pop culture, neither of which are grounded in reality.
Know your own anatomy
Get real comfortable with your lady parts, they’re equipped with everything you need to experience all the wonderfully different orgasms that exist. Sadly our anatomy doesn’t come with an instruction manual, so it’s up to you to educate yourself on the ins and outs of it, so to speak.
A relaxed mind and body is a necessity for a pleasurable experience. Dr Sarah Welsh, Co-Founder of HANX explains that ‘desire is as much a psychological as it is a physical thing, it starts in your brain, before making it’s way down to your erogenous zones’. So rather than thinking about an end goal, being present and in the moment will help you to enjoy the journey.