Every time I write about this it comes out differently; an unfamiliar flashback or unexpected emotions occur. Nonetheless, the outcome remains.
When I was 17, I was diagnosed with anorexia. People asked me how I developed it and the answer is I have no idea – sometimes life just happens. Yes, I was insecure and yes, my hormones were heightened- but isn’t that pretty common for a girl aged 17?
I was going through a confidence crisis and felt hopeless. So, I began to control what I ate. As I lost weight people would complement me which I saw as a means of achievement. I found a sense of comfort in being good at something, and it pretty much went tits up from there.
My story is a long one, and I could ramble on for ages but what I really want to say is that I thought this element of control combined with losing weight (to look like those Victoria Secret models at the time) would make me happy. But actually, it took away from everything that actually made me happy. I lost my sunny personality and subsequently a lot of my friends. I put my family through misery and worry. I no longer had that freeing energy to dance foolishly, let alone get myself out of the bath. Basically, I’d be tricked into thinking anorexia would make my life better, when actually it had just turned to shit.
We live in such a generation of the grass is always greener; constantly wanting what we can’t have and relying on idealistic future events to cure our mental happiness. Yes, we’re often dealt bad cards in life, but the future doesn’t hold the answer to changing our hands, it’s all about the present. It is so easy to focus on the things we don’t have, which distracts us from fuelling the unique talents we are given. Life is just too short to spend time and energy on thinking ‘what if?’
How did I get out of it? Pure love. An abundance of love, support, and plenty of cinnamon buns. By no means am I fully recovered, but now I’m actually happy. Yes, we get thrown unexpected obstacles, but my god are they easier to deal with now when you have a stomach full of food! I see people every day battling this horrible disease. For those going through it, I promise it’s not worth it- life is just so much richer. And for those supporting it, go and give your friend, daughter, father, colleague a big big hug- it makes all the difference.
