I do not feel sadness; I just do not feel.

I do not feel sadness, I do not feel despair. I just do not feel. I do not feel angry, or anxious. I just do not feel. I do not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, I do not feel like eating. I do not feel like brushing my teeth. I do not feel like going to work; I do not feel like interacting with people. I do not feel tired; I do not feel like sleeping. I do not feel like I am a human being that is capable of feeling emotion. I simply just do not feel. Anything. Then, at random, I just feel. Everything. A wave of sadness, a wave of despair. No, not a wave. A tsunami. An overwhelming, colossal wave of painful emotions drowning me before I have the chance to realise what is going on. It engulfs me. It throws me under its current; it holds me there. I can’t breathe, it hurts too much. I can’t swim up for air, the current is too strong. I am too tired. I am too weak. I just drown; slowly, painfully, helplessly. After a slow, painful death, I feel nothing again. I am flung between nothing and everything; that is my existence. That is how depression feels. It feels like nothing, and, everything.