Let’s speed things up a bit.
You’re a lot gayer than you thought. Shocker. You and your girlfriend live halfway across the country in a house with new animals to love.You work at Goodwill and Il Vicino, both the worst possible jobs you could have at once, but one day this lady hits you up on Twitter asking if you have a manager…you take your chances and she flies you to New York. You meet Melvv, who will become your producer and friend, and you make the best music you’ve made since your first album, Classical Notions of Happiness. It all seems too good to be true.
And it was.
Right before the tour, we got news there was a virus outbreak just like those video games we play. And just like that, plans to play around the country, vanished. It wasn’t exactly a zombie apocalypse like you imagined, but lots of people around the world have died.
However, through all of this, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel, because, believe it or not, I’m not much older than you are right now, there is still lots of the future for us. Living in this right now, after nearly a year of it, I’ve come to realize that halt was all a blessing and a curse at the same time. While we didn’t get to broaden our audience through touring, we took this time to write to our heart’s content, just like the good old days, or, your days. Even though there is nothing for us to really experience, in a way, that is a deeper experience in itself, because it makes us ask ourselves if we can detect any emotion to begin with, and if anything, to describe what it is, whether it be through a simple analogy or a damned, wimpy dependent clause — it’s a great writing tool you will exercise through time!
Oh, and remember when I said there will be a lot of brain racking? Well there was, and that’s when you wrote the song ‘I’ll Take It Boring‘ from a random memory of wanting to stay in on Halloween in 2017 that made you realize staying in wasn’t just a trend in the now, it’s really the only way you knew how to live. Staying in, playing video games, collecting unemployment, aside from the occasional trips to record – what is not to like?
Well, despite writing great tunes and gaming, you found yourself feeling dead and in a rut of thinking how long is this going to fucking last? ..Crickets… The days just turn into muck and morph together like swamp mud. Nothing feels real. You do the same thing over and over again. No thoughts. Head empty.
A while later, you then become what you always vowed to never become. You had a tantrum and became a body controlled by fear of the unknown, an unhygienic little rat, smoking cigarettes, drinking tequila out of water bottles, skipping meds and staying out late, nothing in her brain, careless of consequences. You hurt people you loved out of selfishness from this supposed unbearable boredom…yeah. And this was AFTER you graduated. Just because you didn’t do any of this shit in school doesn’t mean you can do it now, as an adult!
Do not lose sight of who you are.
You begin therapy again with sessions of self reflection, wanting to understand why you’re suddenly malfunctioning. You need to take better care of yourself. Acting out and irrationally, this is not you. No. You’re still growing every hour. You sit down and think deeply about the person you really are to try to find yourself again, calling your doctor, getting your meds back, wanting to feel things again and be a good person. You still have a lot of growing to do, but it’s a step in the right direction
Fast forward a few months. You finish a whole EP with Melvv. I’m so proud of you guys. You finish another whole EP and now they are both coming out as an album, Something to Say To You. I’m so proud of us. We did that.
But how? Where did all of this come from? The months just flew by. Did you experience anything? Surely you did. Lots of new words were emerging ready to be written in that old journal your manager tossed to you. So much word vomit plunged out from your head onto the paper, arranged so elegantly, to form a story, an apology for who you were, acknowledgement to who you are, and a promise to who you will be. Where was all of this and why did it just come out?
I haven’t experienced much, but I do know this: writing doesn’t come as naturally as you think it does, especially with how emotionally inclined we are in our songwriting. You really need to take a step back and observe. There is always something worth writing about, or even personally put, always an opportunity to use your musical outlet for your emotional wellbeing. There is always room for growth and challenge, emotions to work through. And you can do it. You have survived 100% of your bad days. Who’s to say you can’t survive more of them and get stronger?
You’re just going to have to work harder than ever before. On yourself and your music. And you need to promise that you will. And not break that promise. No distractions. Pure intent.
What we have made so far is pretty cool and I really can’t wait for you to see. So get cracking, peanut.
Oh also it’s Saturday, you can go back to sleep.
Love, Jordana (you) 🙂