SCARRED

I first hand know how hard it is to open up to someone when you are not sure if they will understand your problems, when you know that mental health is something that doesn't even exist for some people as they think it's not real and if you have issues then you are "crazy". I have been suffering for years without even knowing what it was and what caused me to become like this. I became really anxious, and struggling a lot to control my emotions, sometimes I don't know what to do in a certain situation. I was not always like this I used to be a really different person who never cared about such things or what others perceive of me. It were the people around me at school and everywhere I went, who always made me feel like I was nothing and who made me feel I am worthless and always tried to put me down for anything and everything I did or i didn't. I was just a small kid and it was lot to taken in and keep it to myself. It was really hard growing up feeling isolated even around so many people. But I had no choice but to smile even when I was broken from inside cause I didn't think anyone would understand what it's like when people are really bad to you and judging you for things you don't even have control on like being called skinny and made fun of your looks over and over again, like a never ending whirlwind until It destroys you. They made me hate myself. Remember I was just a kid when it all started, and it's still going on but a lot less only after I started to stay away from people like them who do not care how much they are hurting someone by their absurd words and mindset where they think it's okay to shame someone on their face like it's nothing. They do it so subtly and leave but whatever they said about me stays with me forever. If I'm not saying anything back to them doesn't mean that I am weak it's only out of respect that I'm not talking to them like they are to me, because I am kind, but I am not stupid there's only so much that I can take. And I have realized that sometimes you just have to stop them right there even before they start and let them Know to not take my kindness for weakness and give them the taste of their own medicine. As I have done a few times and it helped me a lot. But it scared me forever, it will never go away. I just need to cover these scars with happy memories, if can't erase it. One thing I've learned is that we should do whatever makes us Happy, be the way we want to be, dress up however we want to and should never let anyone tell you otherwise unless we are hurting someone in any way or form.