For so long I’ve been so desperate to know how my future would turn out.
No doubt you’ll remember that recently I started asking around my friends to see if anyone would come to see a clairvoyant with me; something I’ve never done before but that now suddenly seems like the most obvious thing to do… duh.
Maybe it’s because recently I’ve felt a bit lost. Like I need some sort of reassurance that this is, in fact, still the right path for me. That if I can just anchor myself to a promise of something concrete in the near future, then I can take my next steps with confidence. It’s the nature of the beast – this industry is up and down and all over the place – and that can be hard. (You’re reading this thinking, yeah no sh*t girl, I remember). But what keeps you going is, firstly (obviously) the love of it. Secondly, the fact that I have no clue what I would do if I weren’t doing this. And finally, the excitement – that ‘you never know’ mentality – of the possibility of waking up tomorrow morning to some news that might change your life, even temporarily. Whether that’s finding out that one of your songs has landed a huge film synch and your bank balance is about to suddenly jump from *WARNING* to *SHOW ME THE MONEY*. Or it’s a call from your manager saying ‘*** at *** has just been on the phone. They want to do a deal’. In a way it’s the not knowing that keeps you going, keeps you motivated. The fantasising about the dream that could actually become your reality. Maybe that’s why I didn’t go to the clairvoyant in the end. I didn’t want to know just yet, cos that would ruin the surprise.
But now that it’s all happened, now that you’ve lived it all and I know that nothing can change, now that I’m about to live it, I guess I can finally ask you all the questions I’ve wanted to ask…
Did you MAKE IT?
Did you sign that major label record deal?
Did you get that number one single?
Did you win a BRIT award (or two)?
Did you put the album out? Did it get in the Top 10 like you always dreamed?
Did you get to play Glastonbury, over and over again?
Did you get to tour the world?
Did you do a brand deal with Dominos and get your face on their pizza boxes and free Dominos for life?
Did you get to collaborate with Mark Ronson or Drake or Miley?
Did you win a Grammy?
Did you become best mates with Rihanna?
Did you become the face of Versace?
Did you get to try your hand in Hollywood? Play Lara Croft? Get a cameo in a Quentin Tarantino movie…? A re-make of Harry Potter??
Did you play the O2? Wembley?
Did you finally earn enough money to be able to send mum and dad off on some fancy holidays to say thank you for all the support they gave you over the years?
Did you get to introduce Ben to Drake and become the best sister in the world?
Are you now happily married with two beautiful little babies? Did you get a dog? Did you adopt a panda?
Can you speak another language yet?
Did you stop obsessing over the things you don’t like about your appearance?
Did you stop comparing yourself to others?
Did you learn a lot along the way?
Are you happy with the path you chose?
If the answers are (mostly – I’m a realist, ok) yes then please write me back. Cos present-day me… she’d love to know she actually became that superstar she always dreamt she’d be when she was little.
If the answers are mostly no, but you are happy with the path you chose, then I guess still write me back. Just don’t tell me what the path is ok, cos that would ruin the surprise.
Love you millions,