My Dearest Chiamaka,
You are going to learn a lot about impermanence. I know you try to prove yourself worthy of being in the lives of those around you. I know anxiety and fatigue are the only things that feel familiar. I know you feel trapped- stuck in a house and headspace that are not kind to you. I know you are scared of being forgotten. But things are meant to fade and shift.
These two years have taught me that things should not be forced. I know you struggle with all-or-nothing thinking, and force yourself to show up for everyone but Chiamaka. But the weight of that paradigm is too heavy to bear. It’s exhausting to critique yourself with a magnifying glass. Sometimes decent is good enough, and your best looks different every day. Rest in that.
The pandemic has also required you to relearn courage. The most uncomfortable kind that necessitates you to speak to yourself honestly and with care. This bravery has allowed you to ask for help. And explore. And make decisions on your own. And be vulnerable and crude (but not embarrassed because nothing is embarrassing unless you’re embarrassed).
Your fortitude has allowed me to truly live. I thank you and am so proud of you for giving us that chance. In an uncertain time, you were able to come back to self. You made honest decisions, sought out enriching community, and allowed yourself the luxury of enjoyment. In a world that is constantly changing, these are the things that matter most.
I still get scared and am uncertain about lots of life’s aspects, but I am excited. I know that we are earnest and worthy and good. I know that I don’t have to participate in my own misery. I know that at the very least, in every circumstance, I will do the hard thing and come back to self.
Chiamaka Ogechi Uwagerikpe
P.S. You’re hot.