sometimes you can feel your bones growing
sometimes the pain comes in waves
manageable if you don’t fight it.
there are things you won’t be able to change
but there are some things that you can change
like how you talk to yourself and how you love yourself
I forget how to do that a lot
could you remind me?
I don’t remember being you outside of pictures that well
What comes to mind is how it felt to lay in the grass and stare up at the sky
you wanted to be so many things
I hope you are happy with who we have become
i make music now
I get to sing for beautiful people
I write about where I’ve been and where I want to go
I write about you sometimes
only because you saved my life
you kept going
thank you for your persistence
there are gray clouds in my brain
but its not all bad
it helps me see the world not so black and white like you used to
things are more complicated
for example,
God is still capable of loving someone who doesn’t follow the rules exactly.
we still like to run
it still feels like the closest thing to flying
I don’t run from my anxieties anymore
I face them with bloody hands and bloodshot eyes
I confront them
and its worth it.
I think of you almost everyday.
I know you’d like to hear that I finally got the chance to see the world
Paris being one of my favorites.
I also found love
the kind that makes your heart feel baptized in the purest of water
it has made me new
everything you dreamed it’d be
I was really nervous to write to you
I had a feeling that whatever I had to say wouldn’t be of value to you
I only say that because sometimes life felt better back then
like you were way happier consistently than I am now
but nostalgia can be such a beautiful lie
so warm it would be devastating to see it any other way besides true.
anyways,
I feel like I’m finally on the right track
we’ve lost a lot of things
but don’t think I didn’t learn from it.
growing and constantly leaning towards the sun
I had the weirdest dream last night
I think it helped me write this
you were talking to me from your crib
you were scared to let me hold you but you did
life tried to take so much from us but our trust in our self
can’t be moved
thank you for trusting and believing in me to get us here
couldn’t have done it without you
I love you.
