sometimes you can feel your bones growing

sometimes the pain comes in waves

manageable if you don’t fight it.

there are things you won’t be able to change

but there are some things that you can change

like how you talk to yourself and how you love yourself

I forget how to do that a lot

could you remind me?

I don’t remember being you outside of pictures that well

What comes to mind is how it felt to lay in the grass and stare up at the sky

you wanted to be so many things

I hope you are happy with who we have become

i make music now

I get to sing for beautiful people

I write about where I’ve been and where I want to go

I write about you sometimes

only because you saved my life

you kept going

thank you for your persistence

there are gray clouds in my brain

but its not all bad

it helps me see the world not so black and white like you used to

things are more complicated

for example,

God is still capable of loving someone who doesn’t follow the rules exactly.

we still like to run

it still feels like the closest thing to flying

I don’t run from my anxieties anymore

I face them with bloody hands and bloodshot eyes

I confront them

and its worth it.

I think of you almost everyday.

I know you’d like to hear that I finally got the chance to see the world

Paris being one of my favorites.

I also found love

the kind that makes your heart feel baptized in the purest of water

it has made me new

everything you dreamed it’d be

I was really nervous to write to you

I had a feeling that whatever I had to say wouldn’t be of value to you

I only say that because sometimes life felt better back then

like you were way happier consistently than I am now

but nostalgia can be such a beautiful lie

so warm it would be devastating to see it any other way besides true.


I feel like I’m finally on the right track

we’ve lost a lot of things

but don’t think I didn’t learn from it.

growing and constantly leaning towards the sun

I had the weirdest dream last night

I think it helped me write this

you were talking to me from your crib

you were scared to let me hold you but you did

life tried to take so much from us but our trust in our self

can’t be moved

thank you for trusting and believing in me to get us here

couldn’t have done it without you

I love you.