Creativity is in a lot of ways the thing that drives my life. I hear music in the birds chirping, the rain, the cars going by, and the people walking down the street, but I also space out and forget those melodies quite often and get down on myself for not being able to create on command. Since I was a little girl I knew that I wanted to be a professional musician and now that I am I sometimes find myself feeling a certain way, but then I have to keep pushing myself and telling myself that creativity isn’t a faucet- you can’t just turn it on and off.
Being from Panama I was lucky enough to be immersed in a rich cultural heritage of music, great food, wonderful people, and a loving family, but it didn’t keep my brain from jumping around, or the feelings of sadness that wash over me even when I think things are going well.
I was never really great at math or science, and sitting and reading a book wasn’t my strong suit, so thankfully, music has been my anchor. If I’m sad, I know I can reach for my guitar and try and make myself feel better, although a lot of the time I end up playing with my dog instead, or calling a friend. Which starts the Ferris wheel of feeling inadequate, or not good enough. People love to advise those struggling with mental health issues so I won’t be offering any advice but hopefully, to whoever reads this they know that they are not alone and there are millions of people just like them who struggle with ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety.
Lately, I’ve tried to incorporate a workout routine into my daily life- I bought roller skates which may or not be a problem, but I can keep you in the loop on that- and worked hard to get a bedtime routine going which has helped in a lot of ways. Also, I recently got my driver’s license which I think will be a great way for me to have dedicated time to focus and hopefully lead to more focus in general.
I promised myself a long time ago that I will always write from a place of honesty and from where I am in my life. I want to be able to look back when I’m older and play my records as a diary of sorts; a journal or meditation of where I was in my early twenties. I’ve found mental health struggles unfair at times, and thought to myself, ‘Why Me’ but then I remember my mental health issues are my shield, my warm coat on a cold day, the umbrella that keeps me shaded, and without it I wouldn’t be me, so I’m trying to learn to take the ups with the downs; the good with the bad, and writing music that can hopefully help others when they need it most.