Today it has been 11 months since you took your last breath,
11 months since I screamed, “I love you!” for the last time at your hospital bed.
I have felt every emotion that there is to feel,
From guilt to regret to sadness to relief,
And every second I cannot believe that this is real.
That I don’t have a Dad in the world anymore,
That everyone else doesn’t know how lucky they are.
What I wouldn’t give to hold your hand just one more time,
And feel the warmth of yours on mine,
For I miss the feeling of you hugging me tight,
And kissing my cheek as you wished me “goodnight.”
Your voice and laughter echoes in my head,
But I’m scared to forget you and the memories we made.
And I’m sorry I didn’t spend your last Christmas with you,
Because had I have known I promise I would’ve been their too.
And I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t call back,
If you called just one more time I’d never hang the phone up.
And I’m sorry that life let you down just like this,
You deserved so much better with so much love left to give.
There’s anger inside me at the ones who got longer, with you,
How’s that fair? When I am your only daughter.
And to the ones who abandoned me, turned their backs when I needed you most,
Thank you, and goodbye; I no longer need you to cope.
And although I am sad and a piece of my heart is missing,
Seeing you in my dreams most nights is a blessing.
My promise to you is to never give up,
To live every moment like my last, even when it fucking sucks.
To make you proud and tell your story,
Like your dreams and ambitions; your 62 years in all it’s glory.
To know you are still with me in my heart I am happy, and glad,
And the luckiest girl in the world to be able to call you my Dad.